i wish i knew what was going on. i still have feelings for you, but when you haven’t texted me in two weeks it’s hard to convince myself you’re still worth those feelings. you told me over and over that you promised you wouldn’t hurt me and that you would tell me if something was wrong or a change in feelings happened. i don’t even know what to make out of all of this. i just want to text you a million questions, but i feel like you should explain and i shouldn’t have to ask on my own. maybe seeing you next weekend will help? let’s just hope things aren’t too awkward. i miss you. i miss being best friends. i miss falling asleep in your arms. i miss laughing with you. point blank, i miss you.

- work a lot to get a lot of money

- purchase a super nice camera

- decide what i want to do with my life

- see my best friend a lot

- hangout with friends that i didn’t see all school year

- get super duper tan

- go to florida with kate and see one direction

- figure out relationships

- read a lot of good books just for fun

- do lots of artsy fartsy things

this year isn’t quite ending on the high note i hoped that it would. on the plus side, i’m glad my freshman year of college is done. 

i just realized for some reason that at one point in time i was absolutely addicted to tumblr and would spend all of my free time on here. i just asked myself why the heck i never get on here and i realized that my free time is basically nonexistent these days and when i do have free time many times i just feel like doing absolutely nothing or spending time with my best friend or corey. maybe i should start taking advantage of using tumblr as my outlet for things since not many people are actually going to read this. sometimes it’s just nice to get everything out.

this week has been the definition of a huge emotional roller coaster.

last weekend: i went home since it was easter, but of course my family decided that they were going to go out of town and not come home until saturday afternoon, so i was at home by myself. normally i wouldn’t complain one bit about this, but the fact that i was at home and sick just didn’t make for a very fun time. i was literally sick all weekend, but i have no clue what was wrong. i was going to hangout with brack on friday night and i was so looking forward to that, but i had to tell him that i wasn’t feeling up to going to starbucks but that he could come over. he’s the sweetest boy on the planet and he got footloose from the red box, made me cookies and got me my favorite a vanilla steamer from starbucks. i didn’t have a clue that he was doing any of this for me and at this point i thought i was going to throw up, so i told him not to come over. i feel absolutely awful for doing such a thing. i owe this kid BIG TIME! easter was just…weird. normally my family attends the 8:30 service at church, but since my sister was being confirmed we had to go to the 11 service which is very traditional and i’m just not a huge fan of it. normally all of my dad’s family comes over, but only one of his sisters and her family did so of course we didn’t have the annual easter egg hunt. i was disappointed. kate and i texted ALL weekend long and became best friends and of course with something good always comes the bad, corey was semi distant all weekend.

monday: i decided to skip the one class that i had and just stay home and sleep. yes, home home. i miss being at home with my family all of the time and having my mom there when i need her and her good cooking. my mom insisted upon taking me to the doctor to see what was going on and of course a million problems later we walk out of the pediatricians office. iron deficiency, low on calcium, unintentional weight loss, stress to the max. bring on the medicine and new diet. hopefully i can get things turned around. corey was still pretty distant today as well, a little better.

tuesday: honestly, i don’t even remember tuesday at all. class all day and work and after class i was so tired that i think i just went to bed. i’m pretty sure it could be considered a bad day since i went to bed so early and did absolutely nothing else. things were awful with corey today and i went to bed crying because of him. this was the first time anything bad has ever happened between us so i wasn’t extremely worried.

wednesday: not having class was a major plus and corey kind of realized he had made me upset and sent me a super sweet apology. kate’s birthday is on thursday, so i worked on her fabulous surprise so that it would be all ready by the time it needed to be! i think i might have worked on a little homework as well and even studied for my anatomy lab quiz. corey and i carried on conversation all day and it was good conversation at that. days like this remind me how much i really do like this kid and how sweet he is. :)

thursday: KATE’S BIRTHDAY! my best friend turned 19 and i surprised her by decorating her room and giving her 2 one direction posters and the most fabulous text message on the planet! even though i had class all day, kate was texting me all chipper and giddy all day and that just made my day so much better. corey was in a really good mood as well and i finally got to see him after a week of our schedules conflicting and not having time to hangout. a group of us went to dinner at puerta and ventured on to berry winkle to celebrate kate’s birthday. i was the odd ball in the group who didn’t go to richmond, so it was a little bit awkward for me but ahhh well it was a fun night. some weirdo kid though was awful at taking corey’s hint that corey wanted to sit by me so that provided a little bit of humor. kate, al and i are going to chicago on saturday, so we went to a meeting for that.

friday: no class = doing absolutely nothing. i hungout with kate and we laughed ALOT like normal. you’d think we had been best friends for years the way we act together. i’m disappointed that kate and corey both went home, but i’m beyond excited to go see the university singers with amanda. i miss hanging out with her often and i love the university singers. 

i’m excited to have dinner with you on monday and hangout all next weekend. i really don’t think you understand how happy you make me and how much fun i have hanging out with you. like every other guy i’ve talked to, things are going in the right direction, but i’m going to be hopeful that they stay in that direction. you’re so much different then another guy, really. you really do mean the world to me. :)